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The Word 9
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The Word 9 (Disk 2 of 2).adf
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09-Gumpisms.txt
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09-Gumpisms.txt
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1996-01-17
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5KB
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194 lines
|2-Gumpisms
|1-Canada / G$P
Well Christmas has been and gone and we all get one present that's
not too great and here is one of mine.I recieved a book called
"Gumpisms" 'The Wit And Wisdom Of Forrest Gump' So to put you all out of
your misery I have decided to enter it into this issue,so sit back and
read em and weep!! Remember to read them aloud with an american drool
they seem to make more sense!! So without further delay enjoy!!
Let me say this:bein'an idiot is no box of chocolates.
Nobody ever got into trouble by keepin' his mouth shut.
People not to talk back to:
1.Your Teacher
2.1st Sergeants
3.The Police
4.Your Mama
Do not try to cut your own hair.
Dream,but don't quit your day job.
If you see a line,go stand in it.Probably can't hurt nothin'.
Don't own nothin' if you can help it.If you caneven rent your shoes.
If you want to wear a hat do it in the privacy of your own home.
Never trust nobody that says he never took a drink in his whole life.
Don't ever pick a fight with somebody that's really ugly-looking.
If you want to be popular,do not engage in child molestin' or line
dancin'.
Always save enough money for one phone call and one use of a pay toilet.
If you can't sing good,sing loud.
Do not cry over skimmed milk.
Don't lick nothin' that sticks to your tongue.
Keep your bullshit detector in good workin' order.
If you go to the zoo,always take somethin' to feed the animals-- even if
the signs say "Do Not Feed Animals" It wasn't the animals that put the
signs up.
Try to eat somethin' bitter every day,just so's you don't lose the taste
for it.
Always be ready to take a chance:look what it did for Rocky.
If you are ahead,shut up and stay there.
A lot is to be said for the word "No".
Don't expect anybody else to help you.If they do,fine.If they don't file
it away.
Try not to screw up.This will satisfy a few people and amaze everybody
else.
Remember this:While somebody is down there kissing your butt they could
as easily be bitin' it too.
Put Tabasco sauce on everything you eat:this way,you can eat very cheap.
Whatever you do try to have a reason to do it.
There are times when you cannot let the right thing stand in your way.
To each,his own ca-ca smells sweet-- but do not be fooled by this.
Do not drink soup;it puts a lake in your stomach.
Do not ever roll dice with a guy named "Bones".
You may be an idiot,but try not to be stupid.
Do not suck your thumb--or anybody elses for that matter.
When you are born under the wrong star,it will shine upon your butt
forever even while you are seated.
Forget "Don't get mad --get even." If your really mad,go ahead and stomp
that sucker flat!
If you got to pee,do not talk about it.Just do it.Might not be time
later.
Always be nice to your mama.
Most people don't look dumb till they start talkin'.
Remember this:Peace of mind over piece of ass.
Be very suspicious if somebody says they want to make a movie of your
life story.
Do not eat anything that you dont know what it is.
Be prepared to take some shit in life:just do not take more than one
mouthful at a time.
Beware of people that put numbers after their names.
Life is like a rubber band;harder you go forward,harder you snap back.
So do not make slip-ups.
When you feel there is an unfair burden on your shoulders,that's just
the way is is sometimes.
Always try to do the right thing,unless your conscience tells you
otherwise.
To save energy,do not go ot lookin' for trouble chances are,it will find
you soon enough.
A beggar is no different than you or me,'cept he ain't got no money.
Always keep some spare change to give to a beggar.
Always say "Thank You" even if you don't mean it.
Do not make excuses unless you have to.
If you're gonna screw up,do it when you are young. Older you get harder
it is to bounce back.
When the shit is about to hit the fan,do SOMETHING-- even if it is
wrong.
Don't try to out run nobody if your wearin' sandals.
Never mix water with chocolate.
Do not get drunk around strangers.
Life can be one big toilet so for all our sakes don't make waves.
Work is the curse of the drinking class,so don't work unless it is
absolutely necessary.
Don't trust nothin' except your instinct.
If somebody says you have a problem with ignorance and apathy,just say
"I don't know,and I don't give a shit".
Do not sweat the small stuff;for that matter do not sweat as it will
save you money on deodourant.
Do not buy stuff you cannot afford,unless you really want to.
Ignorance is the key to everthing in life. An ignorant person is
constantly surprised.
People say the earth is round. But you don't have to believe it if you
don't want to.
Bein' an idiot is a lot of fun when ain't nobody lookin'.
If you put your money where your mouth is,you will look very strange to
other people.
Rules are made to be followed,but there are exceptions to all rules--
and I am one of them.
And that my friends is it so you can now share my misfortunes in
recieving a totally shit present who knows I may just save it for next
Christmas and give it back to the person who gave it to me.Well thats
all for this time folks I'll be writing more later till then adios
Amigos
|1-CaNaDa / G$P
End